Advising a Single Parent With a Troubled Teen

If you work with troubled teens, chances are likely that a few of them come from a single-parent family. This makes the teenager's problem all the more acute because it is always difficult to be without one parent, and it is even more difficult to build good relationships with the parent who is at home because that parent is likely to have to work a lot to make ends meet. The situation is no better from the parent's perspective, either, as he or she probably regrets not getting to spend more time with the children. Either way, counseling the single parent of a troubled teen can be a particularly difficult task, one that takes skill, understanding, and delicacy.

First off, when you're going into a single-parent home, know that the person you're talking to is likely to be very independent because he or she has been breadwinner and homemaker, mother and father to his or her children for a while. This is not an easy job; it takes dedication and hard work and can leave the best of us feeling exhausted, mentally drained, and frustrated. Barelling into a single-parent home and bossing mom or dad around will probably cause the parent to unleash some of that frustration in your direction.

So, be sure that you really understand what you're walking into before you start throwing out unwanted advice. Find the parent a babysitter, take her out to coffee, and spend some time just listening to her side of things. Maybe you feel that a single father has completely neglected his son's education but you realize after speaking with him that he works three jobs just to put a little money back for his son's college fund. Or maybe you'd like to accuse a mother of being harsh toward her children until you realize that she is stressed to her utmost limit and can't help but act out of her frustration and exhaustion.

Whatever the case, listen before you speak. And when you do start speaking, watch the parent's reaction. If you suggest too much too quickly, you may cause him to shut down and wall you out, shooting your chances of productive conversations in the future. So definitely come with some ideas about how to help her troubled daughter get out of the mess she's making, but don't shove them all at her at once.

Instead, pick a few of the most important points on your list and talk about them in a compassionate way, being sure to listen for the parent's reactions. If one point comes across well, keep pressing forward to see how far the parent is willing to go to help the troubled youth at the moment. If you have too many points to process all at once, just give it some time.

When it comes to advising the single parents of troubled teens, you can't be too compassionate, patient, or careful. These parents, just like every other, want to help their children succeed, but they may also have more emotional and practical barriers that must be carefully overcome for your advice to be taken correctly.

Additional Resources: Read more on http://ForTroubledTeens.com programs and Alternative Treatments for Youth.

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